Happy Holidays!!

Hey all i know the last update was a little bit on the rocky side... But i am doing much better! I have found a place in my heart that makes me happy! I have found that i need to make myself happy and i am on the road... first start is my weight loss journey I have a first goal which is to lose 50lbs by june. :) I know i can do this. I have my heart set on it and my mind set has changed as well.. so this is going to be a great journey and one that i am excited to take... :) and i have the love and support of my family and true friends .. so i am ready and taking the jump.. and even with the holidays and everything i know that i will make it through and reach all my goals and be sooooooo much happier with myself.

On another note.. my boyfriend decided to go and get the Droid tonight... butthead.. so jealous... lol... i want it.. and my brother has it.. oh yeah and did i mention my sister in law has hers coming to her as well... all of them suck.. haha jk i love them all.. and im glad they get to enjoy the things..

Anyways i am very excited for the holidays... I get to start earlier than normal i am actually starting next friday with christmas at my dads... with my Dad and step mom and brothers.. well shawn and topher.. and matt too... but of course they wont get there gifts till christmas at my moms... But my Dad and Linda of course will get theres!

Then of course christmas eve going to midnight mass with the family! :) and matt is staying at my moms with me so we can have our christmas with the family! Family Christmas with my grandparents and aunts and uncles is jan 1 so im excited to get to go see them and have Matt come with and spend time with the family.. and then later on in jan we are doing christmas with his family.. or whenever they decide ... haha the date keeps changing....

Hope you all have a blessed and happy holiday season! May God Bless you all in every way! :)

lots of love!

fed up... and done ...

Sometimes i wonder why i am here, what is my purpose.. i feel like i have let so many people down in my life.. and that i just cant live up to what everyone expects of me... as much as i try and try to be what they want its like i just cant.... and its like should i even have to try to live up to their standards or just my own.... i want to make them happy but at what cost... i want to do what i want.. i want to be able to reach my goals because i want them not because they want them for me... i mean yeah if they support me thats great.. but i dont want to do something just because they want me too. i am sick an tired of being someone im not.. i want what i want.. screw what other people think of what i want.. deal with it.. if you love me and want me to be happy then let me go after my own dreams..... okay.. just let me be happy and follow my heart and go after my dreams and not the ones u have for me... AHHHHHHH im done please everyone else.. its time for me to be happy and do what i want to... darnit... i will do what makes me happy forget the rest... starting right now.. I am going to do what makes me happy forget what anyone else thinks.. i need to come first for once in my life...